The Whore With A Heart

Recently, my good friend wrote a blog post about her pet dog Tina, who sadly has been deceased for many years now. It was really incredible - and it inspired me to write a post about my female dog. For the past roughly 5 years now, i have grown up with a dog - a male dog - named Hunter and he was in all honesty my best friend. We rescued him after he was abandoned by a series of owners (about 6 or 7 in total according to the same vet who treated him) and it was perhaps the greatest decision of our lives in my opinion. He has proven to be everything we ever wanted out a dog - unshakably loyal, dutiful, fiercely intelligent, kind, loving and reliable, not to mention very (maybe even a little excessively) overprotective. And while I was perfectly content with the him, apparently my father wasn't. So sometime last April, in what was a spur of the moment decision (literally), my mom and dad purchased another dog from some viejo roof repairman - she was 10 months old. Apparently, she was heavily abused as well - much worse than hunter. They cut off he "thumb" paws on both front legs, she was frighteningly thin, scared and a large part of her left ear was ripped off by the owner's other dogs. I won't even begin to address her psychological problems. Nonetheless, we got her and when I found out I was livid - i mean LIVID. Mainly it was because of the stress of having two dogs- but additionally it was the expenses, inconvenience and overall hassle of having TWO weimaraners (when one is needy enough). I began plotting how long it would take for my dad to realize what an epic mistake he had made and send her away - possibly to my relatives in Spain or wherever - just anywhere away from home! I could not wait until we got rid of her and everytime my dad flipped a shit and beat her senseless (which sadly happens like daily) I kept thinking it would only be a matter of days. Little did I know that I wouldn't stand a chance against her charms when I arrived home for the summer and little did i know that only a month or so later, I wouldn't be able to imagine home without her. Yes, she was - actually still is a monster and she has proven herself to be quite a whore, but she's also family now and undeniable one of the cutest things i've ever seen, even if she is a monster.
My little monster's name is Ashley.

TBC - class is ending so i need to amscray.

How I Spent My 21st Birthday

Hello to the nobodies who don't read this blog, you know who you are. I am writing today (from my class i might add) to describe the eventful day that was my 21st birthday. Now, for most people, this is a day of celebration. A day of unbridled joy and banter that produces memories for life. For others, it is a time of controlled debauchery - a time to get a little boisterous and act a little wild in the spirit of one's coming of age in society. For me however, it was in all fairness quite a shitshow.

On the eve of my birthday, I went with some friends to buy alcohol (seeing as how i wasn't 21 yet, i needed them). We ventured into West Philly again and came upon a beer shop in search of the elusive Hoegaarden beer which was decided to be the drink of choice for the evening. After paying and leaving, some of us (not me - i repeat not me) decided to buy hard liquor in addition to our beer so I accompanied them to go to the liquor store to get some.

Time 2 Restart This Mess Again:

Okay so im restarting this mess again - in part because everyone else is but also because ah what the heck - I CAN. But this won't be some sappy mess where i gaze out my window and pour out my soul (although expect a healthy dose of the emo-ness and misery that pervades my life). Nor will i blog about existential things (although i tend to lie sometimes- so this statement weights as much as a grain of salt) and i certainly will not, under ANY circumstances rant - well actually no i will rant because its who i am and its why i write these ridiculous things - hopefully my ranting will humor someone!

Anywho, go off and be happy - im just sitting here being melancholy on the day before my birthday. And please - no "Why?"s or "Juan, Whats Wrong?" and don't even think of calling and asking "Talk to me..." I'm just EMO biiiiiig deal - you know people should be happy im just sulking around and not say jumping out the window - I DO live on the 20th floor you know!!!

Anyways, lets see how much longer it takes for the fire called - MY IMMENSE (AND GROWING) PILE OF ASSIGNMENTS (AND DEADLINES!) - to start burning my ass so i can actually start WORKING! *gasp - the horror

See ya!

I make no regrets for the man I am for in doing so I would question the foundation upon which I stand. A foundation built of steel resilience nailed together with the suffering I've endured. The rust may discolor my surface and reveal the mistakes I've made but when I take a step back and gaze in full view at all I've accomplished under such monumental stress, I gaze in awe. It is n that moment of self appreciation I truly recognize the legacy of what I've accomplished and and realize the potential of what I still can do...

:-)

oh yeah!

The Truth

The faces I make help me mask my pain
facades they're called in the games we play
I've got people fooled, they don't notice a thing
but I can't deceive myself, I still feel the sting.

My eyes bleed tears no one else sees
But my lips taste the pain of this false glee
Then there's that lump in my throat I always feel
The seed of guilt that springs from the truth I conceal

I know that smiles I give off are lies
and the more poison I swallow the more my soul dies

Darkness Falls

Title has nothing to do with the movie, never saw it and don't want to.
I like darkness, I like being immersed in it.
Its soothing and it relaxes me a lot.
But it also makes me sad.
Double edged sword.
Bittersweet.
Dark.